Rob gets arrested, its about time

As any reader of this blog knows, I get really drunk all the time and most of those times bad/strange shit happens to me. Sometimes it involves really stupid shit that I could potentially get in alot of trouble for, this time I did.

The night started like any other that summer where I was broke by me and my friend Captain Liquor(CL) for short would scrounge up any money we could to get hammered. We managed to get quite a bit so we headed to the beer store and picked up a pack of cold shots each. If you don't know what a cold shot is, they are tiny beers that are super strong and I am convinced that they are forged by some sort of deity to teach drunks a lesson. We get 8 of them each and proceed to get hammered. After 5 or 6 of these things we are definetly feeling the effects of the booze and after 8 we figure its time to go into the bar.

At the bar we meet 3 very nice young ladies who have a couple of drinks with us. When I say a couple of drinks I really mean 3 or 4, I lost count somewhere. They decide they are going to drive us around and get us loaded. With me and CL thats a really, really stupid yet awesome idea. We are driving around town drinking this shitty homemade liquor I called swish(after the shitty homemade liquor from the TV series Trailer Park Boys). It tasted like pure hell but it was pretty awesome to drive into you. After an hour or so of doing this me and CL are completely drunk and feel its a good idea to go to their place and drink some more booze. They have booze, it's free....Rob likes.

After drinking more at their place and after me falling down a flight of stairs waking up the grandparents and taking a bottle of rum for my own purposes we go on our way to this little private airport. After prying open the door to the hangar we decided to see if the door to the airplane was open. I've never been in one of those little private planes and I can say they are friggin awesome. The guy had a cd player in the and leather seats and what not so me and CL did what we always do, ruin things for everyone. We kicked off all the dials on the plane and got the fuck out of there after drinking some more of course. Driving away from the airport was also beneficial, I got me a new solar light from a graveyard and also drained the lizard, yeah I'm a dick....why do you think this blog is called the Asshole gene.

So its almost 3 and I'm out of smokes so we go to the 7-Eleven equivalent in our town to buy smokes. I am fucked-in-half drunk at this point and am having a hard time keeping my balance standing there. I tried to put my PIN number in the the pad and failed, once, twice, five times. Eventually I think I got it right or fucked off, I can't remember. Got back in the car and theres all this food that CL and the girls took from there, friggin sweet munchies. We drove around drinking and eating munchies now, they were awesome. So finally I had enough of not having smokes so we went back to the store, they called the cops, we take off. Driving around some more the cops start following us big time so we get the girls to pull over and me and CL take the fuck off. He ran alot further than me and hid under a shed where he was attacked by a raccoon. Once I thought the coast was clear I ventured out and then the next thing I knew I was on the hood of the cop car in cuffs. The cops didn't really believe me that I was not involved in the theft at all and subsequently was charge for it. In the cop station he kept telling me I was high and wouldn't listen to me that I wasn't high, he was basically calling me a liar. I wasn't high, I was really really drunk. We were drinking for almost 12 hours at this point so obviously my eyes were red and I wasn't coherent. Rob got drunker than a cop has seen or could determine.

A few days later, me freaking out about getting charged with a bullshit offense, me and CL went back to that store and this is how I got off. CL(who is now possibly infected with rabies after his raccoon attack)told the manager and I shit you not:
CL: "yeah apparently I was in here wasted out of my head and I took a bunch of shit without paying, ummmm, I can pay for it now I just don't really remember"
Store Owner: "Oh that was you guys? Don't worry about it, we've all had those nights"
CL: "uhhh okay?"
So we left, charges were dropped and thus ended one of the shittiest times ever


-Rob